Upset

For the 3rd time since I've lived in LA, my car's been screwed with. First, it was broken into: 2 windows shattered, radio stolen, and window frame bent. Second, on the freeway, something flew up and knicked my windshield. Third, happened tonight. Someone hit my parked car. Thankfully they stopped and my neighbors saw it and alerted me.
It brought out all these emotions I've been restraining the past few months.

I can't make friends here. No one actually wants to be my friend.

I hate my job(s). And haven't had any luck finding a new one.

I've never felt so alone in my life.

I got rejected from 12 grad schools. And now I get to begin answering the questions about it (beginning tomorrow in Maui with my parents and aunt and uncle). The one thing I had going for me, that I had nailed, that I knew I could do and was good at and loved. My writing. Pretty much sucks. And it's been so difficult for me to be as free with creation as I once was. Because I feel like it's all shit.

I'm beaten. Defeated

I even hate this pathetic blog. What is the point of it? No one reads it. And why would anyone want to read this stupid stuff anyways?

And when something bad happens, like tonight, I feel like there's no one I can call. I can call old friends or my parents, but I don't have anyone here I can depend on and turn to for support (outside of my aptmt). No one cares. And I think that's what hurts the most.