In Maui

An on going conversation this vacation has been, if you lived in this beauty always, would you take it for granted. Forget to admire it. Forget that it was admirable. and instead wish for the mountains or the big city? I'm not sure. I guess you can take anything for granted. And I think we have taken everything for granted at some point.

Hm. Well the only reason I'm blogging is because the fam is golfing and I started to burn behind my knees and grew nervous about the state of my back on the beach. But now that I'm back here typing in our condo and admiring the view of the ocean and palm trees, I'm reconsidering walking back down to the beach. The water is warmer than you'd believe and is blue-green. My skin tastes of the ocean.

I noticed something else hanging out with myself today. I don't smile alone very much, even if I'm having a good time. Isn't that strange? Sure a hint of a smile here and there and even a few grins, but really very amped down compared to usual. Maybe we only smile for other people, to communicate to them that we are enjoying ourselves.

Yesterday we went to the beach and my dad did his version of body surfing "Fundy first" as he calls it. Fundy (foondy) is a word in Sicilian dialect for your butt. He was definitley using his bum for beach padding, in a rare, perhaps Dad invented sport of fundy first. I would have gotten a picture but I was floating and enjoying the waves myself. Yup with only a little trepidation I stormed into the warm water and surrendered to the sea.

My mom said on the walk to the beach, "I wish I were a bird. I would hang out in the trees all day long and sing."

My aunt has me thinking alot about alot. She's a psychic, and she reads tarot cards. She's been to divinity school and etc etc. training. I like to ask her questions about her views. She believes in guardian angels and spirit advisers and that we choose our lives before we come to Earth. That we have soul mates, and they are the people who challenge us and teach us the most and that we may have many of them. That we have free will and can choose to ask our guardian angels for help or not. That this life in the animal kingdom is all about free will and choice ("Timshel" in East of Eden by Steinbeck, one of my favorite books ever) and that after we have mastered it we move into a new kingdom with new challenges to overcome until we have learned it all. That there are other dimensions and worlds in the universe with animals like us learning and living just as we are and that sometimes in death, they choose to reincarnate into another world and are completely out of place. That she has had clients who are not of this world, have difficulty understanding time and can't seem to get a grip on their current reality. It is interesting, it makes me wonder what do we find in the divine and the justifications of our reality and how our perspectives on these two things shape our lives and the way we choose to live them.

She doesn't do much in palm reading, but she did say that if your palm is hollowed, you are shy, that your left hand is what you set out in life to do and your right is what you actually do--mine are very similar, but she said that's because i'm young and haven't had much time to screw up yet =)-- and that if the two lines descending from abov eyour thumb are roped together, you are stubborn. I am a little shy and stubborn says my palms, and those who know me well, would agree. Especially with the stubborn bit.

I am reading Lolita. I finished Less than Zero yesterday and passed it onto my dad. It is about LA, about the over-privileged and the result that is their umotivated, uninspired, lost, drug addled children who have pleasure in nothing, and seek temporary relief from the burden of wealth sickest of places and in the sickest of ways. Lolita is gorgeous in its perversion and honesty. A man, Humbert Humbert, obsessed with "nymphets." The style is impeccable and rich and it is something I store in a crevise of my brain.

The blog is continuing. It is a positive thing. It keeps me writing. Collects my thoughts in a manageable space. and that is quite a feat for someone as unorganized as myself. It is almost time to collect my memories and bind my ideas into new.