I'm getting rejected by 12 schools. So far it's been 9. But I feel more rejection coming.
Today, I found out I was rejected from my very toppest of schools.
Yay me.
Yay self-loathing.
How do you continue on in the face of everyone telling you your writing sucks?
"Everyone" some of the most important writers in academia?
Imagining them trying to gouge out their eyeballs with their red ink pens instead of finishing my manuscript.
How do you not believe that perhaps this is some kind of hint?
Sure friends like it, say it's page-turning. But come on, none of them are actually brutal enough to be say, This sucks, get off it!
I'm going to have to tell my 3 recommenders I was rejected. That's humiliating.
My family. Brutal.
Friends. Crushing.
And if I continue writing, I'm thinking they might believe I have sad case of denial.
I've caught a bad case of self-loathing. This much rejection makes me want to apply it to the whole mess of me. I just suck across the board. Unpretty, unsmart, untalented, un-everything. Bah!
I want to dig a hole, live in the damp little hovel, and fester.
I'll come out once a week to stretch.
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4 comments:
i'm posting my comment as my own blog just so you know. cut and paste, what would I do without you
thou needst to post another blog. this rejection one is too depressing!
Saw your also waiting to hear about Riverside, where I also currently go and applied to, came here and wanted to tell you I know how you feel. Im thinking I might get rejected everywhere and suddenly very aware that I am going to be graduating soon with no place to go, going to lose my job because its a student only job, and also will lose my insurance too. Not to mention just overall feelings of worthlessness. Lets hope we get some kind of news, maybe even waitlist news. Good luck.
Lindsey, I've read your fiction. The rejections aren't what you think and you should write. If you don't, then THAT will be sad. Because you still have time for one and even two more rounds of this tough shit. We have to have tough skin. Remember the first times we had to workshop? It just gets harder and then hopefully, one day, better.
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